Never Say Forever
by MaRsKiLLeRs
Summary: Hermione is having a hard time getting over the loss of someone special. Now the question is, is he really gone? All she knows is that she can't stop remembering.. DMHG.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (obviously.)**

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><p>Chapter One<p>

Hermione had never been able to imagine what it would be like to get over the loss of someone special.

Now she didn't have to. Now she knew.

She found it impossible to put into words. Not that she really wanted to, but sometimes she wished she could. She'd always wanted to be able to define what she was feeling, to put rational thought before emotion, and so far never had any real trouble doing so. But as it were, her mind was screaming incoherently, trying to drown out the pain that had set itself deeply into her chest.

Why was it called a broken heart, when in fact everything hurt? It hurt to breathe, it hurt to stand up straight. All she wanted to do was to lie down in a dark room, staring at the ceiling unseeingly, and not move. If she concentrated on breathing so lightly she could barely feel it, maybe then the waves of pain would adjust themselves to the movements of her slowly rising and falling chest and lose their intensity. After all, hope was always the last to die.

It made no logical sense to her that she should miss him this much.

"I don't miss him" she told herself, and maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn't really him. But then it made no logical sense to her why she should feel so thoroughly unhappy, despite the fact that her life as such wasn't so bad. Her body was making her think about him, even though her mind had already carefully stored away all romantic feelings and illusions. She wasn't a heartless person, who deliberately tried to forget, or who got over someone that quickly. It had meant the world to her. But she knew that she couldn't keep wishing for him to come back, because he simply wouldn't. And the sooner she came to terms with that, the better.

So having realised that, why would her body not stop aching?

"You okay, Hermione?"

"Yeah" she replied. "Of course." And she meant it. Because she wanted to, and because she had to be.

Hermione tried focussing on her essay, but her thoughts kept drifting to random moments she unconsciously picked out of her memory.

Ginny smiled sympathetically and placed her hand on top of hers.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine. He'll be back in no time."

And she smiled a comforting and reassuring smile, not knowing that those words hurt her friend more than she could ever imagine because they were true, but for someone else. They were true for Ron, and as much as she hated herself for her cruel thoughts, Hermione wished that they applied to someone else. She simply nodded and turned back to her work, her eyes not seeing the small words on the parchment but instead a completely different scene.

_"We can't keep doing this."_

_"Why not, Granger? Scared we'll get caught?" Draco smirked._

_"Don't be stupid. There's no way…"_

_"Ah, don't say it" he interrupted, placing a finger on her lips. "Knowing you, you'll just jinx it."_

_Hermione was about to protest when he leaned down and kissed her. Startled, she said nothing before softly responding to his kiss._

_He smiled against her lips. "See. I was always good at shutting you up."_

_"Don't push your luck."_

_"I thought you'd know me better by now."_

_Hermione simply smiled._

_"So, what did you have in mind for today?"_

_"Oh, I don't know. I was actually thinking of taking you out tonight. Clear skies and all."_

_"Out?" Hermione asked, startled._

_"Don't worry, we won't leave the school. Just follow me."_

_He took her hand, so small and delicate in his, and pulled her out of the empty classroom they had been sitting in. They met whenever they could, messaging each other using every means of communication possible. They had made a game out of leaving messages in each other's robes or books, secretly slipping each other notes without anyone noticing, and so far had always managed to do so without giving themselves away by smiling._

_Draco led the way with his usual careless yet purposeful stride, while Hermione curiously wondered what he could possibly have planned for tonight. Sometimes they just stayed up, talking for long hours about everything that came to mind and nothing in particular, and she enjoyed the way he usually challenged her views and occasionally threw his own in instead of just dumbly agreeing, like most people tended to do. On other days, they showed each other aspects of the castle they had discovered, or talked about memories they associated with certain places._

_They hadn't been together for very long. Hermione sometimes wondered if you could call it "together", because it really was more of a challenge and a game than anything else. In fact, she was pretty sure you couldn't call it that. It just worked out this way._

_After a few more minutes, the young girl realised where they were going: the astronomy tower. They had been up there together a couple of times, notably the first time they had run into each other late one night and had had their first real conversation. Even so, it had been laced with thinly disguised insults, but to both their surprise, had resulted in soft laughter from both parties rather than their usual annoyance._

_Upon arrival, Hermione noticed that Draco had tossed two blankets into a corner and shivered as the cool night air hit her._

_"Aren't I great?" Draco smirked, but gently put an arm around her shoulders. "Good thing I brought these."_

_"Oh yes, you're so great" Hermione rolled her eyes at him. "Technically, you didn't bring them though. You left them here."_

_"The way I see it, technicalities don't really matter in such cases."_

_Instead of answering, Hermione picked up one of the blankets and put it around her shoulders. Draco grabbed the other one and did the same. For a moment, they stood in silence and simply looked out on the lake and the forbidden forest. The moon was out and shining brightly, but it wasn't quite full. Almost._

_And in the calm, it was almost too easy to forget about the war, the constant fighting and the fear. Hermione was never afraid for herself, she barely even thought of that. If she did, she would probably never muster the courage to get up in the morning. That was why she kept on learning, finding new ways to defend herself so that her friends wouldn't have to worry about protecting her. What she was more afraid of was losing one of them, or her family. People who didn't have the abilities or the knowledge she possessed and who were in much greater danger._

_"You really need to stop worrying" Draco amended her, and though his crooked smile was careless, as if worrying right now was the least logical thing in the world, she could see the seriousness in his eyes. Even his slightly mocking tone couldn't quite disguise the underlying gravity in his tone._

_"I'm not worrying."_

_"And now you need to stop lying. You were always an atrocious liar" Draco chuckled before pulling her closer to him._

_"Stop criticising me."_

_"It's for your own good. Besides, someone's got to."_

_Hermione leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. She could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest, and the steady beating of his heart._

_"So why are we here?" she inquired after another moment's silence._

_"I thought this would make a nice change of setting. Haven't been up here in a while. Besides, do I really need a reason to come here?"_

_"You always have a reason. You know how I know? Because I always have a reason."_

_"What makes you think I'm like you?"_

_"You're not like me. But in that respect, I can tell. Or maybe you're just as terrible at lying as I am."_

_Draco was looking up at the sky, and she could tell that he wasn't concentrating on her completely. He remained silent, and just as she was about to look up to see if she could maybe read his face, he started speaking._

_"Sometimes. I feel like I need to remember who I am. There are moments where I don't know, and looking at the stars has always helped me. You see that constellation over there?" He pointed. "That's Draco, the dragon. My mother always told me that that was what I was named after. A great beast of great power. She always said "look Draco, that who you are. You have the power to change things." But I've heard how the story goes. In Ancient Greece, Ladon, a dragon with hundred heads was placed into the garden of the Hesperides to guard the golden apples. But then Hercules came along, killed the dragon and took an apple. There's another Greek legend, where it is said that Draco represents the dragon that was supposed to guard the Golden Fleece. He was also killed, by Jason. In a Roman legend, Minerva killed a dragon and threw him into the sky at his defeat. That's what I feel like most of the time. I've been born with this responsibility that offers no other options, yet everyone keeps saying that I have a choice. But do you have any idea how difficult it is to go against your family's will? It's not a choice. And by the looks of it, it won't take too long before one hero or another will come and destroy me, in search of gold or glory. Which, in this case, would be ridding the world of evil. I get it."_

_Hermione was taken aback by this completely honest and open answer. Of course she had expected that he was scared, or at a loss. Everyone was. But she hadn't expected him to tell her, not like this. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to respond with such raw honesty._

_"Possibly. But that's not the only way to look at it" Hermione replied softly. "In Chinese Astronomy, Draco represents one of the three great gods."_

_"Yeah. A dragon who eats the Sun and the Moon during an eclipse. To be fair, I can't find anything wrong with that."_

_"I guess astronomy is just trying to tell you that you eat too much." Hermione gave his hand a squeeze. "I know what you mean though, about not knowing who you are." Her voice regained a more serious tone. "I'm not faced with the same choice" Draco shrugged at the word, "but we're all in this together. And sometimes, it's easy to get lost in it."_

"Hermione? Hermione!"

The young girl tore herself out of her memories and blinked.

"Uh. Yes?"

"I was just asking you if you wanted me to get you anything from the kitchen. I actually can't remember the last time I saw you eat something."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry. I had something earlier."

Ginny looked doubtful. "I'll get you something anyway."

Hermione simply nodded, and Ginny knew she hadn't been listening.

"Alright, enough. You're coming with me."

And with that, she grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her up to a standing position. She was about to protest, but then said nothing. Maybe a little distraction was all she needed.

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><p><strong>Just as a warning, I have no idea where I'm going with this story just yet. If you have any thoughts, let me know.. (any suggestions would actually be much appreciated.)<strong>


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